Protected: What can teachers do when questions about sex and relationships get too personal?

Even the most experienced teachers can be caught off guard if a student suddenly asks about their sexual preferences, experience or personal beliefs in an RSHE classroom discussion.

Conversations about sex and relationships can naturally touch on some deeply personal topics and students sometimes want to know more about a teacher’s own views and experiences. This can be challenging to handle, but there are some effective ways to keep the lesson flowing when questions start to get too personal.

There are some useful techniques many teachers have found to keep RSHE discussions focused on learning.

Maintain professional boundaries

The class might be having a lively conversation about abortion and reproductive rights, and a student suddenly asks you about your own personal views on the topic.

Setting clear boundaries can help you avoid being taken down a path you don’t want to go. If your students know that you will not answer personal questions or share your own opinions on sensitive issues, they will stop asking you.

You could also turn the discussion around and talk instead about how people’s opinions can be influenced by religion, culture, family background and their own life experiences. This keeps the topic open but with a focus on the learning.

Charlotte Anderson, Head of Citizenship, Religious Studies, Sociology and PSHRE at Co-op Academy, North Manchester, has handled a situation like this before. “I would say: ‘We are not talking about what I think. But if you want to find out more about abortion or contraception, you can talk in more detail to the nurse at the Brook Sexual Health facility – or the equivalent resource in your area.’”

Encourage inclusive discussion

You want to encourage students to ask about sex and relationships openly. If they feel uncomfortable about this, they might look for information elsewhere and be misinformed. But you can avoid conversations getting too personal by establishing some ground rules from the start. Nobody should feel pressurised into answering personal questions or talking about subjects they’re not comfortable sharing with others.

You can keep your responses to students’ questions objective by sharing factual information and avoiding judgmental language.

Refer to legal and health guidance

Another effective strategy to divert away from personal questions is to focus on the facts, so include the medical aspects of abortion or the legal position around biological sex when you’re touching on these topics.

Use phrases like ‘research suggests…’ or ‘there is medical evidence that…’ to depersonalise sensitive topics. You can also use case studies or fictional scenarios as a basis for discussion.

Avoid shaming students who may have experienced abortions or are questioning their sexuality. You can do this by encouraging students to agree to respect each other’s privacy. This will help the whole class maintain appropriate boundaries.

Charlotte adds, “I would direct students to the legal aspects of a tricky topic to avoid personal questions. However, you need to be wary of hammering home the legal position too much because students might be afraid of coming to you for advice. For example, if a student has sent intimate pictures, they might not want to admit to it because it’s illegal.”

Change the direction of the lesson

Teachers can move away from personal questions by shifting the focus back to different aspects of a sensitive topic about intimacy.

You could introduce a new activity which requires pupils to be in pairs or small groups to talk through an issue. This takes the spotlight off the teacher and gives students a chance to explore their own ideas and listen to the views of others.

Another good way to divert questions away from you is to ask your students to create posters, cards or mind maps to illustrate all the possible opinions and perspectives people might have on a topic. This is something Angharad Ryder-Owen, Deputy Headteacher, Norbury High School for Girls, has done before.

“We have activities which encourage students to discuss issues with each other, such as think, pair, share.  We get students to talk through with a partner, and feed back what their partner said. It’s an effective way to encourage students to share their views.

For more tips from teachers, download our new guide ‘How To Tackle Tough Questions from Secondary School Students in Sex and Relationships Education’.